And Please Don’t Suggest Saran Wrap
On the way home from dropping the kids at school this morning, I started thinking. I do that a lot (in the car anyway; that, and sing to “Funkytown”). Anyway, I was thinking about how much I love to flirt. A few years ago I forgot how much I liked it because I went through a “hate men” stage, which was entirely my therapist’s fault so you can blame her. I’m really sorry now guys. Most of you are terrific. But because I was so gorgeous and hot when I was younger (c’mon, if I don’t retain some form of delusion I’ll wither and die), I always got the wrong kind of attention from you. Well, not YOU personally, but you know what I mean. Or maybe you don’t, so let me spell it out for you.
Wait, I don’t feel like it. So I’m just going to skip over those couple years of sharp, wicked manhatred and get to the part where I like you now. My flirtiness used to be tied up in conquest, but now it’s only friendly-flirting, the best kind. I flirt with my girlfriends, too, so they don’t feel left out. I flirt with everybody I like. Friendly-flirting has no boundaries, except for sex, and this is a pretty ironclad rule. Sorry. I didn’t make the rules, okay? so don’t yell at me. I keep telling you it’s my therapist’s fault.
I don’t flirt enough with Scott anymore. When you’ve been married for twenty years you tend to fall into the same old pattern of (fill-in-the-blank). It may be your pattern, but it’s still a rut and it can be hard to break out of. I’m afraid if I sidled up to him now and batted my baby greens he’d narrow his baby browns and ask, “Um, what do you want?” Flirting requires some element of mystery, and it’s hard to retain much mystery when you’ve seen each other throw up, have babies, cry inconsolably, or use rash cream where the sun don’t shine. Actually, now that I think about it (see, it happens even when I’m not in the car) flirting is mostly about playfulness and it feels like it’s been forever since we’ve felt light enough to play with each other. We laugh a lot, but laughing isn’t playing. Folks, you are witnessing the unfolding of a personal revelation here. I’ve been thinking we need a date night, but I think what we need more than anything is a play date. Any suggestions? xo
August 31st, 2005 10:07
Thinking is synonymous with Funkytown. I love to flirt too.
*Bats eyes at Kelly*
Eh?
I hope you guys have a great play date soon!
August 31st, 2005 10:08
Heh. So, guess what I watched yesterday? Fried Green Tomatoes. So I immediately fast-forwarded to the saran wrap scene. And yes, I did read that STUPID book that advice came from, back in the day.
You are so right about the playfulness thing. When Tom and I are spontaneously playful, it makes me feel just as close to him as when we, well, you know. Thanks for the insight. I’d not thought of it before, how important it is to not lose that sense of play with your spouse. It makes perfect sense, since it is ever-so-important not to lose your sense of play in general.
Who knows how many marriages you have helped today?!
August 31st, 2005 10:26
Having never really learnt to date/play “well” (long story!), I have no suggestions. But I certainly look forward to reading the results of what you DO come up with!
(provided they’re internet-safe, that is….)
August 31st, 2005 10:28
Makes pouty lips at Heather
Anytime.
Play date Friday, I think! Woohoo!
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Twyla - Yay! I get to play marriage counselor! Now, somebody help meeeeee!!!
Yeah, I was thinking Total Woman, a book I still find in thrift stores. A fragillion copies sold, apparently. I’m honestly not very good at playing anymore, so it’s going to be a stretch. I don’t really even know what to do… Maybe naked bowling? xo
August 31st, 2005 10:31
Michelle - even if we don’t do anything, I’ll be sure to make something up, just for you because I like you so much. If the story’s fake, can I include some naughty bits?
August 31st, 2005 10:35
Play dates begin at the whips & chains store. Oh wait, that popped up from an old movie memory. In reality, play dates begin in alleys outside of scrungy bars… no… old movie again. Gee, I guess I don’t know the answer!
August 31st, 2005 10:53
Old movies huh?… If you’re going to play with the big kids, you’re going to have to behave yourself. No brownies for you! (Unless you bring them, and then all is forgiven.)
August 31st, 2005 11:38
I am too shy to flirt, that is until you get to know me, then I am just annoying. By the way, Arrested Development is the funniest show non-animated show in history, followed closely by The Office (the BBC versions not American one). The funniest animated show hands down is Family Guy. By the way, that collage of yours is mighty sweet.
August 31st, 2005 11:43
You’re doing it again. We’ve just GOT to stay out of each others’ brainwaves- it’s getting weird, even for us!
I was thinking about the flirt thing yesterday. Intently, like on and off all day. Being single, and pheremoneous (it’s a word, ok?), I must watch my step, because flirting to me means to beguile and entice- the leave ‘em knocked down dead! kind of thing. Heh. Not overtly sexual, but.
So, yeah, I do have a suggestion for a fun date. Randy and I had our madcap wedding reception at the local children’s museum (the staid and proper reception was held at the church where he was youth minister).
Bonus that it was in the Union Terminal building, which happens to look like the home of the Superfriends in the 70s cartoons, on the outside, and has a cool domed ceiling and mural on the inside!
Every grownup there turned into a kid- a lot of us were covered in bruises the next day, from the Indiana Jones-style jungle gym. Our tallest friend got stuck in it, took forever to get him out– and the scholarly, serious friend came up to us practically hyperventilating, “I’ve- never- had- so- much- fun- in- my- LIFE!”
August 31st, 2005 12:46
Hi Charles - You got Jenn, didn’t you? Obviously not by being annoying. Besides, anyone who feels that way about AD (hey, and my collage!) only has to glance my way and I’m gone!
I have GOT to see The Office - I keep hearing about it but haven’t had the chance. My son Jesse loves Family Guy, but I don’t love it; it’s just okay. Still like my collage?
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Chrissy - That’s because we are SO totally in sync with God, and you KNOW he flirts all the time. It’s sad, really, him trying to get our attention like that. If I was single, I’d be terrible, just so you know. It’s good I have to watch my p’s and q’s (I was going to say “t’s and a’s” but decided that would be crass and unladylike.)
Maybe Scotty and I should go to Discovery Zone, or Chuck E. Cheese. But obviously fun is going to entail asking all our friends, too. Come on! Let’s goooo!
August 31st, 2005 13:20
Flirting is hard at this stage of life eh? I don’t really even try with Asia anymore, although I’m fairly certain I should. As far as playing goes, it seems like whenever we get playful, I end up wetting my pants (a hazard when you gave birth to an 11 lb. 4 oz baby…) Okay, I know that’s TMI. But really - if we go to a playground or something, sure enough, it happens. I can’t think of any kind of play that wouldn’t end up in that embarrassing result… maybe we should play chess. That I could do, but it’s not really fun either…
Of course, this was supposed to be about you and Scott, wasn’t it? We do always have fun at playgrounds… find one with really good swings and give each other under duckies - it’s great fun… (but remember the poise pads)
August 31st, 2005 13:30
I’m crass and unladylike enough to snicker heartily at your ref to T&A!
Balzac says you need to flirt with and entice your hubby, if you want to keep his interest. Yeah, he’s dead, but he was FRENCH, right?
August 31st, 2005 13:34
Hi Kelly,
Living in a land where flirting is constant, in the friend and fun catagory, I can testify to how much fun it really is. With everybody. Also, one of the main reasons why I do martial arts is to have a chance to play, and I do mean really play. Lots of laughs, comraderie, general silliness. Lets me be a clown and I do LOVE to make people laugh. Keeping that alive and kicking in a marriage takes some doing. But it’s not impossible. We all did this well once, right? Speaking of the kids museum, great idea by the way, playgrounds are a blast, nothing like the monkey bars to bring on the giggles. But get down first, falling on your head puts a damper on the whole thing.
August 31st, 2005 13:40
Cathy -
Waaay TMI, and that’s why I love you, and that’s why I’m going to tell you that every. single. woman. who’s. given. birth. has. the. same. problem. and. avoids. trampolines. You truly crack me up. I really, really feel funny flirting with my husband, but I’m going to try, even if I feel like Blanche DuBois in the process. Come to think of it, I think she used Depends.
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Chrissy (I SWEAR, I keep wanting to write “Christ” but that’s a little out there, even for me. You might like it though. JK) - Oui oui, ze french… zose naughtee’, naughtee’ french!
I’ve never read any Balzac, because his name makes me snicker. I’m snickering now.
August 31st, 2005 13:47
Margi - I KNOW, Spanish people have all the fun!! It’s not fair!! It’s that darned romance language!! I hadn’t thought about Scott and me doing a hobby together. Duh. We used to play music; now he does music and I write, so we’re losing our common ground, especially now that the kids don’t need us as much. Hmm, I’m going to think about this, and we’ll have a topic to discuss on our play date! Maybe we should look into kickboxing; if nothing else, our arguments would be more engaging, not to mention entertaining to passersby. Is that what you meant by keeping laughter alive and kicking in your marriage?
August 31st, 2005 14:48
~pouting~ I am the LAST person to ask for suggestions. I am afraid that, by the time I get to do that again, the partner will look at me and say *OH NO that was outlawed.* ~sighs~
August 31st, 2005 16:01
Mindy - you could always point your boobs at them and say, Do it anyway!
August 31st, 2005 16:10
If I only get the chance! I think that people are afraid of them.
August 31st, 2005 18:55
Hey, NOBODY’S afraid of a luscious woman. It’s the convex kind that scare people. Trust me.
August 31st, 2005 20:33
Kelly, correction: my parents DON’T do martial arts together, but it would be a hard fight if they got into it, what with my mom’s black belt and tai chi skills and my dad’s wrestling background. Wow, I don’t want to even think about it!
Play dates are fun! I find that if you have the mentality of a puppy, being playful and silly isn’t difficult. But pouncing on your hubbying for a fun bout of wrestling always digresses QUICKLY! So I suggest either a playground or go carts, something to get the adrenaline pumping! Have fun and flirt like mad!
August 31st, 2005 21:57
Jenn - I didn’t think your parents took kickboxing together, I just jumped immediately to the joint hobby because it hit me like every good idea does. Boy, your parents must be in shape… Scott and I are doughboys comparatively. We used to wrestle way more than we do now (and yes, digression, the same as when you ask for a “backrub”). We’ve been practice flirting tonight; it’s fun!
(The mentality of a puppy… yip…)
September 1st, 2005 08:58
I feel a little out of place, lurking around here… but a guy can learn a lot by hanging around smart women!
Did that buy me any points?
September 1st, 2005 08:59
Yeah, “Balzac” makes me crack up, too! You’ve seen ‘The Music Man’? When the old lady is saying, “BALLlll-zac!”- that did it for me- from then on, I couldn’t be around that name without a good deal of tee heeing going on…
September 1st, 2005 09:24
Bruce - You are back in, and how. Flattery opens every door.
Now, where are those brownies?
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Chrissy - Oh my GOSH - I believe we ARE the same person. In my last response to you, I was going to mention that part in Music Man but I thought, “Nah, she won’t know what I’m talking about!” I LOOOOOVE you!!!!!!