You, too, can be a !!Winner!!

You can’t believe how excited I am. This morning when I pulled up Outlook Express I got an email from somebody named “Euro Million International.” It seems I have won milliones; in fact, the exact message was: “Euro Milliones Lottery (Congratulations!!!Your E-mail Have Won A Lottery” …

The first thing I’ll do is cut checks to everyone we owe. Next, I’ll pack up every tittle and iota in here and find us a better house. Then, a couple new cars. I’m pretty sure milliones of lottery euros will buy us all that and then some. Maybe another thing I’ll do is get my lips plumped and stretched to look like Meg Ryan. Think of all the thrift store books I can buy. Plus, I’ll get new couches because the animals have ruined the ones we have by teeth and claws and pee accidents and some throwup. I’ll march straight to that drycleaner’s and order him to clean my suede jacket for $35, because I’ll have milliones and $35 won’t seem outrageous anymore. I’ll hire the little boy and his brother who stopped by asking if they could mow our lawn but they didn’t have a mower and ours was broken and who made me feel so sad because they really looked like they could use the money and even though this happened years ago I’ve never forgotten the disappointment in their eyes. I’ll hire them and give them half of all the milliones I get and then take them to a sitdown restaurant with waiters who call them “sir” and refill their drinks without being asked.

After that, I’ll drive over to Food Lion and buy up dozens of cans of tuna, chili con carne, sloppy joe, ham, green beans, corn, carrots, mushrooms, and Campbells Select Soup and drop the whole mess down at Wilkes Cares to answer that sign on their fence that says Canned Food Needed. I won’t even touch the lima beans or tomato soup and I’ll walk right past the ramen noodles 10/$1. I’ll surprise my friend “F—-” by stuffing a stocking cap full of cash so she can finish building her house with her bare hands and keep her head warm against the cold while she’s at it. Or she can hire someone else and take a load off - I don’t care. Whatever she wants. College for everyone, no questions asked, even if they’re old.

More ideas will shoot into my head later I know, but in the meantime, I’m going to get right on these. I don’t want to waste even a minute, because everybody knows a person doesn’t get lucky like this every day. xo

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 30th, 2005 at 9:06am and is filed under journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.