Churnin’ up the butter
I miss Bernard Black so much it hurts.
You can’t see me right now - because my digital camera and computer are no longer on speaking terms - but I look very fetching. I’m wearing my new reading glasses. Jean badgered me into getting them yesterday. We were trolling through Staples Office Supply MegaSuperWonderstore, on the hunt for new pens, when I complained about a sudden onslaught of sleepiness. She stopped, looked at me, and laid down a declaration.
“You need glasses. Your eyes are red; they look strained, like mine do after a long day of trying to focus.”
“Nooo, I don’t need glasses,” I blustered. “Well, okay, I kind of need glasses, but it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s not bad at all. I’m just tired. I’m sure glasses are the one thing I don’t need.”
Dammit I hate friends. She wouldn’t leave me alone - all day - so I finally conceded to buying a pair of reading glasses, since I spend so much time, well, reading (see: farting around on the computer). Saints be praised, they seem to be working. Maybe I can finally end a day without having to make ablutions at the altar of Visine.
The glasses are the very very slim kind that fit into some contraption that looks like a travel-size toothbrush holder. In fact, I didn’t even know what they were when we first stopped in front of them. All I saw was a colorful assortment of toothbrush holders.
“I think you should get this kind,” Jean said. “These are cute.”
“Yeah, Mom,” Torie agreed. “Those are really cute.”
I plucked one off the display. Popping off its top, I asked, in genuine puzzlement, “What the hell is it?”
“Mom, did you just say ‘hell’?”
“No. Well?” I asked, waving the container in front of them. Both Torie and Jean looked at me in astonishment, and then laughed. “They’re GLASSES!”
Now, I have no problem admitting I’m almost completely non-observant and impractical, but I know an empty vessel when I hold one in my hands. Apparently, somebody had decided they liked the glasses in my particular container, but didn’t feel the need to pay for them. That’s their choice. As Weird Al says, in Amish Paradise (sung to the tune of Gangsta’s Paradise:
I really don’t care - in fact I wish him well/’cause I’ll be laughin’ my head off when he’s burnin’ in hell (fool)
Neither Torie nor Jean apologized for laughing, but they did steer me towards another container, a full one this time. I picked green rims, to make my eyes look even more fiercely green, though I did kind of want brown. I still like them. They’re rubbery, and fun to play with when I’m bored. Which is a lot.
Later, back at the house, Jean and I tried out each other’s pens. Hers were medium-tipped, and mine were fine, so we decided to trade one pen each out of our packs of four. Then, I traded Torie for one of hers. So today, I have new pens, and new glasses. I’m happy.
But if I finish all of my chores, and you finish thine/Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699.
I’m easy to please. Love you guys. Have a great day. xo
April 28th, 2006 07:57
#FIrst!
April 28th, 2006 08:02
You win, you little spammer you. First prize is a pen. xo
April 28th, 2006 08:04
I finished watching Season 3 of Black Books yesterday arvo. MUHAHAHAHA
Ok, I won’t be Cruella D’Ville anymore. Those glasses sound awesome! Especially the green-ness. You’re in for spring! It is funny you said you’re easy to please. For exactly 20 minutes ago, I was doing something and thought to myself. Hey, I am so easy to please. If I had a boyfriend, all he would have to do is buy me a box of paints and I’d be thrilled! I’m demanding though.
April 28th, 2006 08:05
In your world do the words “pen” and “pin” have the same pronunciation? Just curious.
Fine-tipped pens rock. Medium-tipped pens are for people who ride the short bus to school.
Hello, Kelly.
April 28th, 2006 08:06
Oh, I forgot to add, I prefer Fine-tipped pens.
April 28th, 2006 08:15
Kanks, you crack me up as always. Are you easy to please, or are you demanding? I realize we’re all a bundle of paradoxes (paradoxi? paradoxia?) but that was pretty funny. So, you’re painting, huh? Watercolor, or oil?
Yeah, I guess the green IS indicative of springiness. That’s nice… I do feel awful springy! xo
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Scotts, you know, I always thought riding the short bus to school would be more fun than riding the long one. Some documents just require a fat-tipped pen; you know, last wills and testaments and decrees that need decisive signatures. But, yeah, I prefer fine.
Here, in my world, “pen” and “pin” are not only pronounced the same, but they contain several syllables. My world rocks.
xo
April 28th, 2006 08:16
Oh, and…
Good morning there, Scotty!
April 28th, 2006 08:19
Ok, this is Jean, of the medium tipped pen purchase, who was just informed that I am like the short bus people. Actually, I am ok with that. It only gives me a furthur source of identity. And I DID trade for one fine tipped pen which kinda means that I have a certain sense of balance in my life. I usually prefer a fine tipped pen, but with this particular brand I think the medium tips rock.
Kelly, you didn’t mention the mathological confusion we went through in trying to figure out how to trade one pen for one pen. That was my favorite part of the day.
xo
April 28th, 2006 08:21
New pens are THE BEST! I’m gonna get me one next time I hit the shops. Or maybe a pack, that would be extra special
At the moment I am easily pleased, all it takes is cheese. Mmmmmm, can’t get enough!
I finally got specs when my maths teacher told me that if I didn’t get my mum to take me to the optician, she would take me during lunch hour herself. I was 12 and had needed them for ages but had tried (and obviously succeeded) to hide my myopia.
How Do you party like it’s 1699? Lots of grog maybe, but what to snack on????? Pork scratchings?!
April 28th, 2006 08:22
What was your mother’s maiden name?’ What was her first name?! I only knew her as Ma! MA! That will have to do. (writing down) MA…possibly deceased.”
April 28th, 2006 08:32
Jean, I started this post around 4am, and worked and worked and REworked the part about our mathematicalogical confusion, but couldn’t get it to fit properly. No, actually, if I HAD started at 4am, maybe I could have. But I started late and was in a hurry. CRAP, I know. Maybe tomorrow.
We BOTH belong on the short bus, buddy, so don’t feel bad. A. Scott does, too, and he knows it. That’s why we all hang out here together.
(I love me my pens. You?) xo
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Claredy, more cheese, Gromit? The worst thing about partying like its 1699, is that they used quill pens. Quill pens suck the big one. I like me my pens, too. I like me my Clare, saying, “I like me my…” I plan to corrupt me every one of my friends with my bad grammar. MWAhhaha!
xo
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FENCE, dammit, you’re making it worse! I LOVED that part, and laughed my frickin head off. I’m laughing now. I can’t wait to get me my Black Books! Hopefully, sometime next week, just in time for Scott to come home and laugh at Bernard, too.
xo
April 28th, 2006 08:34
I *love* new pens. And new pencils, notebooks, crayons, markers - I’m pretty much a new office/school supply junkie. Back-to-school shopping for supplies is almost my favorite time of the year.
Sunny and bright here today. Tonight is Prom. I’ll *try* to get my daughter to stand still long enough to get a picture to post.
She and her friends are going without dates - about ten of them, mixed group. I think that’s so cool. I’m sure they will have a blast. After the last two formal dances she swore off boys forever. Hmmmm - I knew it wouldn’t last. She is at the very beginning of a new boyfriend thing. Fun to watch. Thank goodness he’s a nice boy tho or I’d be a wreck…..
April 28th, 2006 08:35
Oh damn. You caught me out. It was supposed to be a surprise. We-ell, I’m easy to please : flowers/ paints/ hugs/ kisses/ poems/ songs/ riffs etc. Just doesn’t happen. Oh well. Atleast I can get a buddy to skip his lecture and buy me coffee instead. Blog post coming up. Yesterday was a perfect spring day out of the blue! Such is Melbourne!
April 28th, 2006 08:37
Love Weird Al. Haven’t heard that song since high school. I used to know all the words.
You make me want to visit my Jean. And swap pens with her.
April 28th, 2006 08:44
Anne, you would LOVE Jean, but then, everybody loves Jean. It makes me sick.
I could listen to Amish Paradise ten times in a row without getting tired of it. In fact, I did this morning (obviously). We’ve been spendin’ most our lives livin’ in an Amish Paradise/ You probably think it bites livin’ in an Amish Paradise…
xo
April 28th, 2006 09:00
I heard the Gansta’s Paradise one time…and thought it was a really dumb song! Just doesn’t compare to it’s own spoof!!
The silly thing is that EVERYBODY loves you too.
April 28th, 2006 09:06
Bleugh!
I’ve thought of too many things to write, but couldn’t finish any of them and had to delete the comment. But didn’t want to leave just Bernard’s eloquence behind
April 28th, 2006 09:27
Fence, I saw Season 3 yesterday! Let’s buy Kelly the worm costume! Haha. She can then read books out loud to us!
April 28th, 2006 09:47
I love office supplies. Love, love, love them. I am the Official Supply Orderer in my office. Don’t tell, but I always buy really nice pens for myself and hide them!
What kind of pens did you cookies buy?
April 28th, 2006 10:00
Heather Anne, the best pens are the ones you get free. My personal favourite is Parker that I use for special writing - signatures on contracts and affectionate words on cards. Uni? Papermate or Bic. They’re cheap. Plus, I like the heart on papermate. I’m such a chick.
April 28th, 2006 12:33
Kelly, email me your shoe size and mailing address please!
April 28th, 2006 13:15
Oh Heather, We bought GEL pens. Pentel liquid gel ink with a metal tip. Can you feel it? Sleek silver design with black accents and a slamin’ design on the top. Writes like a silk stocking. Yum.
April 28th, 2006 22:03
Glasses can be cool. My mum has these wonderful black rectangular ones that make her look like an artist and they are wonderful! Pens are ALWAYS cool!
Hey from Albuquerque.
April 28th, 2006 22:17
Albuquerque? What? That’s the place I always used to win Name, Place, Animal, Thing - the game where people scribble these for a particular alphabet and the ones who don’t have the same ones down and have all columns filled win!
April 29th, 2006 17:15
Can’t See The Supplies
If you can’t see the office supplies, buy some reading glasses!…
April 29th, 2006 17:30
HAha, Coool! Kelly, where oh where are you?