No no, meme
You all know Fence, right? Our Fence? Well, she has browbeaten me into doing a meme, and rather than run for cover, or fall to my knees at her feet begging for mercy, I’ve decided to do something inbetween. A subversive act, but nobody narc on me, please.
I really shouldn’t tell you what I am thinking about, because – as always – it involves sex in some way. I have never talked about sex with you, never ever, and I am not going to start now. And if you believe that, then you are obviously a newcomer to my blog. You may be asking yourself, “Self? Does she mean she never thinks about sex, or does she mean she never talks about it on her blog?” Instead of asking yourself, you should have asked me. Somebody asked me earlier, and I was happy to tell them. I said, “One plus one, sweetheart. Do the math.” I want to take that back now because what I wish I’d said instead was, “Gabriel Byrne.” Because that pretty much sums it ALL up.
I hear that Gabriel Byrne likes to design socks, but now that I’ve said it, I wonder if you’re all going to think I spend hours on the internet perusing sites about him, fansites created by rabid stalker loserly types. I am emphatically not one of those. I only get my information firsthand. The thing I regret the most however, is that last Sunday when I had him tackled to the sidewalk with my hand up his leg – to check if the sock was cotton, or a cotton blend, of course – I didn’t write my phone number on his knee. He was yelling something, and I am sure it was for my number. It doesn’t have 911 in it anywhere, though. Why in the world would he think that? He must have been drunk.
Like Fence, I dance only when I’m drunk. haha! That is a total lie. I sing only when I’m drunk. haha! That is a lie, too, because they generally frown on getting drunk in church – unless you are Episcopalian – and that’s where I did most of my singing. Well, and dancing, too. I will cry if any Episcopalians send me death threats for saying what I just did. I have only been to your church once, I swear, so how would I know what your policies on debauchery are? I am not always sane, so please cut me some slack.
I make with my hands like I am deaf Russian interpreter. Now please reread that last sentence with a bad, fake Russian accent, which is how I meant to write it. Of course, if you truly were a deaf Russian interpreter, I doubt you would mind one whit about the accent. Does anybody know why we say “whit”? I confuse some words with other words, and forget most words altogether. I need an interpreter myself, but that’s news to no one. Hey, gotta go - the phone’s ringing. It must be Mr Byrne, and finally we’ll be able to discuss those socks I ordered. If he threatens me with death for writing on my blog that he was drunk, I guess I’ll have to buckle and order two pairs.
July 23rd, 2006 21:21
You are too awesome, Kello! I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob.
Alas, I must fleeeee! There’s a huge thunderstorm (yippee!) and the power keeps going in and out (hurrah!) Good luck with your sock order.
July 23rd, 2006 21:24
Second? Am I truly second? I can’t believe it. Okay, so the power is still on and um well … watcha doin’? Oh yeah. Mmmhmmm. HA hee hee ho hoo! Good one, Kell.:D So okay I’ve got a thing that needs … me to … thing it or…something. BYE!
July 23rd, 2006 21:25
Don’t you just love fudge brownies? It’s almost as great as being THIRD. Yep yup!
July 23rd, 2006 22:58
OMG Kelly - your post exhuasted me. Could be cuz I just got home from a bawdy rendition of Robin Hood in which my best friend played the drink and horny Lady Quigly, which truly made me laugh til I peed or it could be just cuz it’s almost 11:00 and all I’ve had to eat in the last twelve hours is ice cream. Wow. My head is spinning - no alchohol involved. Honest. OK. That’s all. I’m stopping before I say something I’ll regret in the morning. Off to take my Zoloft…….
xo
July 24th, 2006 03:02
See, it got another post for me to read. I love it when a plan comes together.
July 24th, 2006 06:44
EXCELLENT! Well done Fence.
And Kelle, you’re supposed to post a warning saying NSFW so that those of us who read your blog at work won’t be caught bustin’ their stays laughing when they’re pretending to be writing about child abuse.
I also meant to post some vitriol on Mal’s site abusing the pair of ye for hating doing memes when for God’s sake they’re only a bit of aul harmless fun, but my puter died and I gave up. But it woulda been vitriolic to the extreme!
July 24th, 2006 06:46
Or possibly to the max.
July 24th, 2006 09:28
HAHAHAHAHA!!
July 24th, 2006 09:41
Why *thank you* Jenn. I really am terribly funny, amn’t I?
July 24th, 2006 10:36
Ah. Such a refreshing meme. Really.
I never laugh out loud when I’m alone in a room, but if I did, this would be when I would do it.
Happy Monday, K.
July 24th, 2006 15:39
Kelly, that was great. I’m so glad Fence had the nerve to tag you, because I thought about it, but didn’t. That was great. Colleengirl up there had an interesting, refreshing take on this meme as well–she broke it up into separate posts. I think she just finished the dancing one. Too awesome.
LY!
P.S. Are you gonna tag somebody? *wink* Just curious–but I already did it, so tag someone else.
July 24th, 2006 23:00
Is it pathetic when I follow the train of this post perfectly? I loved it! It made me late for work. Good job Kells.
July 25th, 2006 04:38
I love the way your brain works KellyBelly Oh So Creative-Elly.
Also, Gabriel Byrne is hot. And by “hot” I mostly mean “in scary Catholic movies a lot.” Which is hot.
; )
July 25th, 2006 04:42
I am totally reading everything you guys are saying (SHOCK! I know!) and am laughing my assolis off. I love you all so much. xo
July 25th, 2006 08:30
Aaaaah, Now it makes sense.
it = Badly Drawn Boy’s latest album, released a couple years ago, is titled…. One Plus One Is One. Nah, it is a fairly good one.
Hehe, why do I feel that you are going to come tomorrow and say you were embarassed you shared so much in your current mood. Oh I have read it with a huge smile on my face and gleeful eyes and breaking the smile to replace it with giggles. You are a funny one, Kelly
July 25th, 2006 08:31
And I have just googled Gabriel Byrne. Why didn’t you say you were talking about D’Artagnan?
July 25th, 2006 09:29
sigh. I would LOOOOOVE to google Gabriel Byrne.
July 25th, 2006 22:41
Hahahaha
Seriously, I did laugh. =D
July 26th, 2006 08:19
Wait a minute! YOU tackled Gabriel Byrne and felt up his leg TOO? Wow, small world.
Hello, Kelly.
July 26th, 2006 09:19
Was that YOU on the other side? I should have asked you for a pen!
Hi, Scottydo xo