Birthday Boy Toy
Once upon a time, there was a snail. It had a pretty, curly, iridescent shell made up of lustrous pearl and alabaster sworls. The shell rested lightly upon the snail, whom we shall call Princess. The snail was not young anymore, nor was she old. She was an in-between snail, and much to her chagrin, this was a very hard thing to be.
“If I was very young, my skin would not be wrinkly and have these pocks on it,” she complained to Slug. She held out a dimpled thigh, which you will have to pretend Princess had. I know she was a snail. Please, just humor me.
Slug said, “Princess, you are the prettiest snail I have ever seen. Let me rub up against you.”
“No, Slug, no. You can’t possibly want to rub up against me. Look at these pocks. Just look!”
Slug looked. I am quite sure Slug saw the pocks, but nevertheless he said, “I don’t see any pocks.” He squinted for effect. “Nope, no pocks.” He peered at her hopefully. “Now for the rubbing?”
Princess pulled her shell tightly against herself and sniffed.
“Slug?”
“Yes, my love?”
“If I was very old, I wouldn’t be bothered so much by not being young,” she said.
“True,” Slug said.
“I suppose when I am very old I shall have long white hair that will wind all along the length of my shell.”
“How beautiful that will be,” Slug said.
“Maybe,” Princess said wistfully, turning this way and that, while she gazed in the mirror. She glanced up to find Slug watching her, and blushed. “Please don’t look,” she said.
Slug sighed. “Then I will watch you in my mind,” he said, and closed his eyes.
A few seconds passed, then Princess tiptoed quietly, quietly over and nestled against him. She was very still. “Do you love me?” she whispered into his chest. Trembling, she rested her ear against it to listen for his answer.
Yes Yes Yes Yes, his heart beat – steady and strong. Princess smiled and stepped back. “Well, then,” she said, opening her shell. “Come on in.”
“No, Princess.” It was Slug’s turn to smile, and his eye twinkled, once. “You come out.”
You may want to hear more from Slug and Princess, but they’re busy right now. I will tell you that Princess knows she is blessed beyond measure that a mollusk like Slug would love her the way he does, and for how long he has, and for how long he will. She would also like to tell you that Slug sports a black leather jacket, earrings, and a tattoo; that he sings in the shower, and laughs out loud at movies; that he listens as much as he talks, and does both of those often; that he rides a motorcycle, and plays rock n roll drums – all while holding down a full-time job out of love for Princess and their peas – but she’s not sure you would believe it, seeing as you had such a hard time with her having a thigh. But there now. If you look over by the door, you’ll find your disbelief in a basket where you suspended it - the story’s over - you’re free to go. Thank you for listening, though. You’re all peaches.
The Happily Ever After End. Happy birthday, Scotty. You truly are my knight in shining armor. I love you. kiss, friends. xo
July 29th, 2006 09:31
Ah, the love between a slug and a snail, what could ever compare?
But I get the impression that this is not simply about a slug and a snail… just can’t put my finger on it.
:) Happy Birthday Scott, and congrats on your happy ever after Kells
July 29th, 2006 09:32
Also, I was FIRST! Mwaaaa haaaa haaaa
July 29th, 2006 10:04
Kelly, a truly moving and touching story about life wrapped tightly in a fantasy. You go girl, you can write. Happy Birthday Scott Love You.
July 29th, 2006 11:42
Happy Birthday Scoot!
Kelly, you and I are both blessed with husbands who love us despite ourselves. They may both have suffered a head injury, but I’m more inclined to believe that really, they can see soemthing deep down in us that is lovely.
July 29th, 2006 16:44
Sweetie, you can write!!! I am intrigued with your ability to communicate. And sing. And play. And create. Wow. Youse got SKILL.
Happy Birthday to the slug (anything, but).
When’s the BD boy coming home? Are you home?
I’m calling, Right now. Bye
dad
July 29th, 2006 22:08
This is just so adorable! So neat!
I enjoyed it!
July 30th, 2006 02:35
This was very sweet.
I’m not sure whether there’ll ever be a slug for me…
July 30th, 2006 10:44
That’s the sweetest thing ever. Happy Birthday, Scott! Happy Sunday, Kelly.
July 30th, 2006 13:32
It’s a beautiful thing to be loved when we feel unlovely. How good that your knight warms in your glow.
July 30th, 2006 22:11
Hey, Princess, Beautiful one. Nicely written. HB, Scott.
Sometimes I wonder how silly we will feel when we are standing before the Creator, with every drop of His love pouring over our heads like liquid sunshine, and we have, for the first time ever, the full realization of how beautiful we really are. Even now, I think about my closet full of cosmetics, masks, and beauty products, and my constant worrying over my self-image, with a twinge of shame. I wish I could see myself as He sees me now, so that I would worry less about what other people see.
July 31st, 2006 11:24
Lovely.
You had me at alabaster sworls.
August 1st, 2006 07:17
And yes, I hope Scott had a Happy Birthday indeed! But I didn’t have to voice the wishes out loud, did I? you knew they were there all along!
Does anyone get to read the chapters of your book? Enid Blyton’s daughter used to read her mum’s book’s manuscript as Enid typed them on a type writer. Lucky kid. ^_^
August 3rd, 2006 09:49
Ah, the slimy good fun between a slug and a snail.
Love it!
August 4th, 2006 09:30
How utterly romantic, if a little slimy
August 8th, 2006 10:59
That was so gross it made me cry.
(I have a HUGE aversion to slugs, but a high need for romance–you have crossed the line by crossing the two!)
PS. Happy Birthday Scotty!
August 11th, 2006 18:17
Hey, Princess.
Tomorrow, Saturday is YOUR Birthday!! We won’t reveal the exact date or year of your birth, but do want to tell you we love you and wish you the BEST EVER day. I remember when I first held you, I couldn’t believe babies could be that little and yet so complete. And you grew up.
lots of love, dad & mom
August 12th, 2006 10:10
Happy birthday Kelly!
Dublin is alive with rumours that there is to be a new look Kelly Well website soon. There was special supplement of the Irish Times full of speculation. Can’t wait to see it.
Hope you are having a good day.
August 13th, 2006 08:28
Happy Birthday to you yesterday!
Hope you had a great day.
I miss reading your posts. (Even though I don’t often comment.) Come back!
August 14th, 2006 11:20
Happy Birthday Kelly-so-far-away-she-might-not-exist-anymore.
I miss your posts. I miss your comments. I miss your emails.
Come back Kelly, come back, come back.
August 17th, 2006 15:43
Whoa Kelly - cool new look! Surprised the heck outta me when I checked your blog!
Belated happy birthday and all that. Hope to see you posting again soon….
xo
August 18th, 2006 01:01
Somethiing seems different here. Can’t quite put my finger on it though…..
;~)
December 9th, 2006 18:52
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