I Sleep Now
I haven’t had a cold in FOREVER, but today - of all days - this being the most important day of my entire life - I’ve got one. I’m totally lying about this being the most important day of my life, because it decidedly is not, but it sucks to have a cold anyway. I feel shivery and achey, and quivery and quaky, and you know I’m also flaky, as I’ll turn to Shake & Bakey when the dinner I must makey.
I’ve never used Shake & Bake, have you? Though the commercials always intrigued me, when I was little. That, and Lee’s Press-On Nails. Oh, and Tarn-X. I also made a golf club out of a stick and a piece of cardboard and an entire roll of aluminum foil once, when Hobo Kelly taught me how on her show. It lasted long enough for me to hit my brother upside the head with it. Thank you, HK. That was awesome.
Here’s a hint, if you haven’t already decorated your Christmas tree. To get the best Las Vegas and/or House Beautiful effect, and to make your Christmas tree decorating experience much, much easier, use around eight boxes of gold lights but do not - I repeat - do NOT - wind them around the tree like your mommy taught you to. Instead, glob them on in chunks, and push them into the branches. I’m serious here. I just discovered this last night. That way, you get a more random look and an asterisk-free evening will be had by all.
Scott and Jesse just left in Jess’s pickup: Scott to head back to Nantucket until Christmas, and Jess to spend the weekend with his friend Jacob in Charlotte. Van’s already out of the house, living on his own now, so that leaves Torie and me. Two girls rattling around in a boy-free zone, except for Ambrose, our ferocious, stalker-eating, so-don’t-get-any-ideas dog. I feel sad. I’ll get over it, but right.this.very.second? I feel a little empty and scared.
Okay, but mostly thoroughly pissed off because I have to do all the Christmas shopping by myself this year. I mean, c’MON. Though I had the bright idea, just when I sat down to write, that I would get my kids online gift certificates at, say, Best Buy, and they could spend Christmas day shopping for presents they really want, instead of opening my ideas of what they want, that morning. The days of magical, Santical wonderment are over at MY house, and that’s okay. I don’t mind bowing a little to the 21st century. What say ye, my peepadoodles? And how are you all? I hope fantastic. kiss xo
November 30th, 2006 12:37
First!!
November 30th, 2006 12:38
You win! Big kisses all around!
November 30th, 2006 12:39
So it’s been awhile since that happened. I’m sorry you are feeling sickly AND sad. What a combination. Seriously.
I have never used Shake and Bake but I helped. How would you write that with a southern accent?
This year I have no tree to decorate because I live with the Scrouges of the universe. They are against trees inside and decorating in general.
November 30th, 2006 13:21
it’s shake and bake and i hepped. We will probably get the boys some gift cards. But they have some likes that I have picked up on over the years and will be getting some surprising stuff for Christmas. I have even started getting stuff to start making presents for next year. I just have no idea what to get Ruth Ann this year. I am easy baseball cards or gift cards for framing. I ended up in the ER on Saturday night with fluid on the knee and an inflamation. The inflamation was what was causing the knife like pain. They gave me Vicodin (which will definetly make anything feel better) and ibuprofen (big tablets) and it has helped. I get to go see the doc today and have him tell me my bp and weight are too high. Oh well maybe I’ll get more good drugs out of the deal. Hope you feel better.
November 30th, 2006 13:37
Jenns, for two years in a row, several years ago, we were Scroogy and didn’t have a tree, either. Ugh. Our kids hated us (we were being religiously fanatical) and I am so GLAD those days are over. I’m sorry you can’t have a purty tree this year, but still!, remember my light advice, okay?
Thank you for your sympathy, honey. I actually feel a little better right now. kiss! xo
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Roddy, you’re so GOOD at giving gifts. I can be, but not when I’m compelled to be. It has to be spur-of-the-moment for me to shine in that department. sigh. Christmas puts so much pressure on me.
I’m sorry your knee is rebelling! But, as you say, more drugs, so… Merry Christmas to YOU! I do hope you feel better soon, though. kiss! xo
November 30th, 2006 14:09
My mom still makes me send her a Christmas list. This year I found everything I want online and sent her links to the sites so she would be able to buy the right thing.
I got a phone call from her a few nights ago asking why I sent her my list in a secret code.
November 30th, 2006 14:44
Heather, that made me laugh. Your poor mom… as yet unable to bow to the 21st century. BUT, that said, you had an excellent idea. I’m going to discuss the whole gift thing with my kids tonight, and I’ll definitely throw that idea at them. Yyyesss. kiss! xo
November 30th, 2006 15:15
Hey, chickeedeedee — ignore my whining about the blank star — I finally mastered it….Yea
November 30th, 2006 16:32
Yay! Okay, I’ll put in an emergency email to Steve, so he doesn’t remove it. He ignores me until the third call anyway, in case I change my mind about stuff. kiss! xo
November 30th, 2006 22:13
All I want to know is how did you get a star for an arrow!? I love it!!
November 30th, 2006 22:15
Oh, and I sympathize with your cold. Me too…
November 30th, 2006 23:23
My surefire fix for a cold: A bowl of hot and sour soup from your local Hunan style Chinese restaurant. A couple of my friends swear by a glass or two of warm brandy, if it doesn’t fix it at least they get toasted a bit.
December 1st, 2006 04:18
Bless You (in anticipation of any sneezes)
Any hints on how to decorate a non-existent tree? Cause I aint getting one for the apartment, seeing as I won’t be there for christmas itself (herself?)
December 1st, 2006 06:46
Is that ALL you want to know Anneedo? Because I know any number of things, but that’s the ONE thing I don’t know. As with everything HTML related, I have to ask my go-to guy, Steve, to do it. He’s my webhost, and he’s great. I did look online for star cursors, and there are bunches, along with the code to get them on your site; I just don’t know where to put the code.
Speaking of codes, I’m sorry you have one, too. They stink. I just plain don’t feel good today. Ugh. kiss! xo
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SFGary, now I only wish we HAD a Hunan-style restaurant here, but I live in a teeny tiny little southern town, and there ain’t nothing but biscuits and fried bologna here. Oh, and Applebees. But I HAVE had Hunan Chinese food before, and it’ll sear the hair right out of your nose. It’s great. The brandy sounds good, but who’s going to go to the ABC for me, so I don’t have to get dressed? sigh.
Eeexcellent advice, however, on all fronts. Thank you! xo
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Fencer, I believe Christmas IS a girl, considering all the shopping involved. And decorating a non-existent tree should be fairly easy, my friend. Just don’t. Hey, presto.
Ahh, thank you for the Bless You. It’s like an Indian summer here today - unbelievably warm winds blowing. Did you do that? That’s awesome. kiss! xo
December 1st, 2006 07:48
You have your tree up already? I am also of the school of “just shove it on where you can” though Sean always has to do the lights “properly” Hmph, he spoils all my fun! I’m thinking we should get on and do ours as I quite fancy giving birth by twinkly fairy light next to the tree…wouldn’t THAT be fun
PS, Glad it’s not just me who was ultra-excited by the start thingumyjig! x
December 1st, 2006 08:05
Claredy, I think we all should use words like thingamujig, falderal, and discombobulate EVERY SINGLE DAY, so that the generation coming up behind us doesn’t forget that nonsense can be fun, AND edumacational. Lewis Carroll is no longer their standard for nonsense. Now it’s shows like “Jackass”. NO.
I think it would be LOVELY to give birth under twinkly fairy lights, and I have to tell you, the first time I read your comment I was SURE you said “just shove it UP where you can” and it made me laugh, especially as you went on to complain that Sean has to do the lights “right”. Hmph, indeed. kiss! xo
December 1st, 2006 19:20
I just saw your lover Dylan Moran being interviewed hi-lariously by Jonathon Ross on BBC. He said he lives in Scotland so that should help you track him down. Sadly, he lives there with his wife. Sorry, Kelle.
December 1st, 2006 21:35
NOOOOOOO!!! How can he be married? And live in SCOTLAND? All my dreams are shattered. Nines, and I was having such a nice evening. sigh.
I still love you, though. I never shoot the messenger. kiss! xo
December 3rd, 2006 14:21
Hi Kel.
First of all, I have to say I love you forever for using the word glob. That and glom are two of my very favorite words in all the world.
And then I have to ask. Really? Globbing them on works? Not that I care, since I have a pre-lit tree, but really?
I’m sitting here with three boy-types who are watching Star Wars Episode Four (which in my mind will always be episode one, because it came our first, thank you very little, George Lucas) and reciting every line. It’s highly annoying. I’m ready to go jump off a bridge. So be thankful for your boy-free zone.
Smoochie smooch, friendy friend.
December 3rd, 2006 15:16
Hey Cath! Yes, the Star Wars quoting would drive me crazy, too. Instead, we’re all happily quoting along to Shaun of the Dead, one of our favorites, and by all I mean Torie and her boyfriend and me.
YES, the globbing works! It gives the lights a more random look, like in all the magazines, and it’s so easy. You just lay them across the tree in large patches, and push them in so the wires don’t show. It’s a miracle how easy it is, and it looks great. This year our tree looks prettier than ever. Yay!
I hope you’re having a nice Sunday. I’m drug addled with Tylenol and allergy pills, but other than that, I feel peaceful. Or maybe BECAUSE of that. ha. kisses! xo
December 4th, 2006 03:58
Awwh. I want to come bring you a blanket and some hot tea, and tell you stories about cheese. You know, because cheese, it is comforting. Right? Right!
(Feel better, love. smooches to you.)
December 4th, 2006 04:47
You always ALWAYS freaking make me laugh, K. Yes, cheese is so comforting. In fact, and I lie to you not, I ate four slices of cheese not two hours ago, because I was hungry, and in need of comfort. I DO feel better now. Silly. kisses on you, too xo