Freakish scramblings
Hi you guys. First off, thank you for talking to me on my last post, and I humbly apologize for not talking back to most of you. I don’t mean “talking back” as in “sassing”, because sass is a dish best served cold, and I would never do that to you. Or is that revenge? I can never distinguish between the two, to tell you the truth. I think we should just make the saying go, “Sassy revenge is a dish best served cold”. Or maybe not say it at all, because it kind of cancels itself out if you think about it for more than two seconds.
I went to bed around ten but woke up a couple minutes ago with my second wind. That’s not something you want to get at 11:30 of an evening, at least when you have a full day planned on the morrow. “Of and evening” and “on the morrow” are quaint, old-fashioned sayings, aren’t they? Don’t you hate it when stuff like, say, ice cream is labeled “old-fashion”, without the “ed” tacked on the end, as it should be? Man, that hacks me off something fierce. It’s irresponsible and hits the eye wrong. J.K. Rowling would never write it that way, nor would Marcel Proust. “Marcel” is kind of a girly name for a boy, isn’t it? I would never name my boy that, unless he looked girlish. No, wait, that would make things worse. If my boy looked girlish, I would name him Buck.
There’s a guy named Buck in one of my classes who looks kind and like he could be my friend, except that he’s very, very short. I’m always anxious that I’ll scare short people, because I’m so prodigiously tall. I try to wear flip-flops around the shortest ones, so as to console them. Remember when we used to call flip-flops, thongs? And remember when thongs were once called underpants? Would you name your son Underpants, if he looked like a pair of them? I might. Boys certainly smell like them often enough. I once knew a couple who named their daughters Velvet, and Lace. They wanted a baby boy so they could name him Corduroy. I prayed nightly for years that that would never happen, but I’ve lost track of them now. Maybe if they had a boy they named him Levi, which is at least socially acceptable. I thought about naming Van “Levi” - Levi Lowe is such a cool name - and I also thought about naming him Lewis. But someone talked me out of Lew Lowe - I can’t remember who, but he should probably be thanked.
sigh. Obviously, I’m doing anything I can short of running around naked outside to avoid going over my algebra Final Exam review again. The exam is on Wednesday. Today I made a resume for my ACA class, a.k.a. College Success class, a.k.a. Arse class (thank you, Mal, for that apt coinage). The resume was based on my only skill package, which is as a worship ministry musician-slash-leader, therefore rendering it obsolete right out of the box since I’m never doing that again. Hey, now. Start the day with nonsense, end it with same is MY personal motto. Don’t you judge me… it’s gotten me this far, and in flip-flops no less!
Next up: The Caterpillar I Found on my Collar
Seacrest out. kiss, friends!
July 29th, 2007 00:35
First.
Hey you can only avoid so many finals. I wish I were back in school, I love learning. I think that may be one reason we read so much is our constant desire to learn. Hey are you still heading west next month? What do you mean you are tall? I remember having to bend over to talk to you. Have a nonsencial Sunday, remember MacArthur Park is melting in the rain. I love itunes
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Well, Roddy Doyle, it’s not so much the Finals I’m avoiding, as the review of said Finals. I always over-study so I’ve gone through it half a dozen times already, but you’re right - it’s because learning is so doggoned fun. As far as floating west next month goes, no, I’m not going to be able to for lack of moolah. However, I got good news yesterday: both Jess and I got the Pell Grants we applied for, so our next two semesters of school are completely paid for, and we were provided with several extra dollars to apply towards school-related items such as a mountain bike for Jesse and trips to Oregon and Ireland for me. Transportation and cultural diversity training are VERY important educational aids, which is what you’re to say if anyone asks.
Yes, but I’m about six feet tall in heels. That’s pretty tall for a girl, and might intimidate little short guys named Buck. Then, Rod, you hail from a family of Amazons, so that’s nothing to you. I wonder if you guys would fit under the Cloak of Invisibility? I only would if I wore my flip-flops.
July 29th, 2007 02:36
Don’t knock running around naked. It gets me through many of sleepless nights.
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I wouldn’t THINK of knocking naked running, MW. Naked running is a time-honored tradition, proven by carbon-dating to have begun well before the Crustacean Period, and famously depicted to all our delight several years ago by Bo Derek in the mysterious film noir 10. Or, hers was near-naked running, but close enough. Will Ferrell also demonstrated naked running in the beloved classic Old School, and that was really funny.
I’d rather watch other people do naked running during my insomnia bouts than do it myself. I really don’t want any more trouble with the neighbors.
July 29th, 2007 09:02
Flip flops are evil. Not every-one knows this, but if you take a closer look it becomes obvious. First of all; they pretend to be footwear of some description. But then, right, you put them on, and really you may as well be barefoot. So, Liars! Then you wear them on the beach or whatever, and you see other peoples having the fun, running around, so you go to join in, but the flip-flops don’t want you to have fun (on account of them being evil, m’kay) and the either slip off you foot making you do the that stupid hoppy thing, or they bunch up under one foot in an annoying manner.
Flip-flops = Satan! Honestly.
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Holy Toledo, Fence. You’re RIGHT. It’s also an anagram of Lipps Off, the infamous vaudeville stripper who was possessed by Satan. She would start off with a bikini, work her way to feathers, and before you knew it was also removing arms, ears, and for the finale, well, look at the name! I don’t need to tell you what she wore on her feet, before removing them. The feet.
Winter must be God’s season, because we get to wear BOOTS. Oh boots boots boots. I love boots.
July 29th, 2007 09:27
Iceed tea. Iceed tea dang it. Um, yeah. Pet peeve….
xo Kelly - good luck on that final.
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Thank you, sweet Karedy.
July 29th, 2007 09:29
ok -so that didn’t work. iceD tea. Thank you vvery much. Put the stupid d on the end people……
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Yes! Ice-d tea people! ICED. That also drives me buggy. The worst is when the misspellings are on signs and/or menus and/or funeral notices. Or church marquees. Anything for public view, or done professionally. Don’t people own dictionaries anymore? Lawd lawd.
July 29th, 2007 13:26
First off, I love sayings like “of an evening”, “anon” (I never use that one though), and “heretofore”. Johanna LOVES compounds words like heretofore and the like.
Secondly, the naming of kids is no laughing matter. I knew a girl (this is SO true) named Caressa Parrott. My dad guarded a guy in the Washington State Penitentiary named Brook Trout. There are some horrid names. My brother-in-law wanted to name their son (jokingly) Cosmo Paul Austin (cosmopolitan) but my sister balked.
Oh, and no one should EVER, EVER, EVER have to wear anything other than flip flops (my mother called them zoris yesterday and my dad used to call them Jap flaps. (in his defense “that’s what they used to be called!”) Thanks God I’ve put as stop to BOTH of those!)
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Jenns, I also love using old-fashioned words, though I rarely do in conversation (so as to avoid lynching by angry mobs). It’s most in writing that I trip the light fantastic. It’s so fun, and depths of conversation can be plumbed that contemporary vocabularly can never reach, because it has to hold its nose on the way down.
Those are truly horrifying names, by the way. It’s so mean to do that to your kids, though by naming my son Vanlen (it seemed like a good idea at the time), I was forever fielding the question, “Did you name him after Van Halen?” Yes, how did you know (deadpan, deadpan). My favorite band of all time (deadpan deadpan). David Lee Roth is his father (deadpan deadpan). I’m so sure, people.
Can we wear boots sometimes, Jenns? I like boots.
July 29th, 2007 16:19
Talk about stream of consciousness!
I love following your randomly meandering mind!
I think I own too many flip-flops. They’re all over the house…and yet, when I see them at the store, I still want more! Ah discontent!
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Annoo, Grace must be your middle name. That’s very sweet of you to say, about my wandering mind and all. Especially as I end up getting lost in it most of the time. And for all my assertions about loving boots, I DO sincerely love the flip-flop fad. I wear them every day to school, and everywhere else, too. Rainy days don’t even matter. I love me my flip-flops, Anne. OH yes.
July 29th, 2007 16:51
“What ho, what ho, what ho?”
I have a friend who would encourage you to go for a nudie run. And then he would dub thee Australian. I’ve never done that (don’t intend to, unless it is my very person, high hedged backyard) and thus I remain unAustralianised.
Aka = aaka = master = master Ace.
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You callin’ me a ho, girlfriend? Because you’re probably right, but I’ve just blocked it out of my mind. DO Australians run around in the rooty-tooty nudie? Goodness. Wouldn’t you be eaten alive by all those biting flies? We had Australian friends, growing up, who told us their national salute was waving the flies out of your face. I always thought that was hilarious. Flies and naked skin? NOT a happy combination.
Master Ace. You sound like an international poker champion, or something. Or like you should be training Ninja Turtles.
July 29th, 2007 17:36
The only fitting revenge is sassy revenge. That’s why I like The Joker so much.
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I’ve always liked the Joker too, Heath, but in my mind he’s Jack Nicholson. Do you think we’ll like the Joker when he’s Heath Ledger? I don’t know. I just don’t know. But I like the sound of sassy revenge, or ANYTHING sassy, really. For instance, you! Sassay thang.
July 29th, 2007 23:44
I do not own a single pair of flip-flops. I hate the feeling of a strap between my toes–they hurt. So all my sandals are slides, mules, and the like.
And I once read a birth announcement for a baby girl named Montana Skye.
At least it wasn’t Stephanie Broadchester. Or Pussy Galore.
And I loved, loved, loved this post. Feel free to sass us anytime, Kells. You would do it with so much style, that we wouldn’t care!
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Yay! Permission to sass! You can bet I’ll take you up on it. I used to get in SO much trouble for sassing, way back when. Like, last week. Taleny, you really don’t like flip-flops? Though I understand, because when I was little I couldn’t wear things between my toes, but now it doesn’t bother me. I cannot abide toe rings, however. I’m glad they’re out of style now.
Some parents are just freaking thoughtless when they name their babies. Celebrities seem to be the worst offenders (or at least the most broadcasted). Remember Frank Zappa and his kids Dweezil and Moon Unit? If you don’t remember, I swear I am not making that up. I’m SO sure.
July 30th, 2007 17:19
Hahaha! I’m short but I’d cope ok with you I reckon (yep, in my flip-flops, I love ‘em)
I knew a boy called Marcel, his brother was Michel. Poor things, they were both VERY girly and I’m sure their names didn’t help things….
My in-laws have said they HATE my baby boy’s name, it’s all personal choice I guess (and I HATE their attitude, so there!)
PS got any cookies to spare? I could do with a few.
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Those poor French boys. And then there are all the ones named Jean. sigh for them. And good grief: WHY do people, I don’t care if they’re relatives, feel they have the right to be rude and assert their opinions on us? Arlo is a perfectly good name for your little punkin pie.
So, I can wear my boots around you, Claredy, because you’re secure enough in your shortness to find consolation unnecessary? Coool. I’ll wear my boots (and some other stuff, DON’T worry) when I bring cookies over. (I’ll bring cake, too, and trundle you in the car back over to Wales, where you can sit on the beach and soak in some lovely Welsh air and seaspray. And happy vibes. I’ll wear my flip-flops at the beach. AND my thong. HA! NOOO. kiss, friend!)
July 31st, 2007 09:04
I can’t wait to hear about the caterpillar … it does have a happy ending, right?
Keep on with your sassy self, Kel.
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If I tell you the ending NOW, Juls, it’ll ruin the entire story. But okay, if you insist. Yes, it DOES have a happy ending. I admit being initially freaked out to feel something wiggling against my neck, so I’m afraid Mr. Cater P fell to the floor a little bit, due to panic, but he seemed to be okay once I took him outside, and after he decided he could stop playing dead. He had lots of padding, anyway. Kind of like me, if I happened to fall to the floor a little bit, due to panic, which I anticipate happening any day now. (Not really. I’m actually doing pretty well at the moment, shock shock. But today is the last day of the school term!, and I only have an algebra exam tomorrow. Yay!)
August 1st, 2007 13:08
My sister has named her child Rocky. In Ireland! Jaysus.
My cousin was chatting to me about it the other night and he told me that three of the people he mentioned the name to have responded the same way “Oh! That’s my dog’s name!” Arrrrrrggggghhhhhh.
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Ohhhh… Much as I really hate to pass judgment on somebody’s choice of name for their child - since I’m SURE your sister had some valid reason - I do have to admit thinking that Rocky is a pretty stinkyass name to saddle a person with, unless it’s a nickname. WELL. It’s better than Sue?
Minor amendment: And by ”stinkyass” what I meant, of course, was “lovely”.
August 1st, 2007 16:39
I find these comments about my name highly insulting. Rockies have a mountain to climb when it comes to social acceptance. We’re punchdrunk from prejudice, and it’s time for it to STOP.
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Dear Rocky Rhodes: See above amendment, and please accept apologies all around. Though… wasn’t it somewhere along the Rockies that the Donners ate each other? Just thinking out loud.
August 2nd, 2007 05:54
GREAT to visit your blog again.
Classic fun, Kelly-style.
August 2nd, 2007 08:17
Quoting jeeves & wooster
Hugh Laurie/Wooster : “What ho, what ho, what ho!”
Yes, there are flies, a LOT of them, in summer. which is why you need those hats with dangling corks.
August 2nd, 2007 12:14
I only read this because someone told me “naked” was in it. Hi Kelly. ‘Hope the exam went well.