Elvis has left the building
Hi poopy pantses. School starts tomorrow, so I figured I should get a leg up on a farewell post, considering that even when I had two weeks’ vacation I ended up writing, maybe, two whole posts. I’m obviously not going to get a lot of leisure writing done while school’s in session. Leisure rhymes with pleasure and that starts with… oh, I can’t be bothered with thinking until I have to.
Obviously, as personal history indicates, my departure isn’t permanent. But my appearances will be intermittent, kind of like Elvis’s, only way less marked in that no one cares as much about seeing me, plus, he’s got more chins than I do. You know what? Elvis is COOL. I mean, he is HOT. And when I say he’s got more chins than me, I mean that boy is PHAT. If I had lived way back when, I would have totally been in love with him, too.
Since we’re speaking of Elvis, I’m going to let you in on a little family legend, only one that’s true. Once upon a time, I could have been Elvis’s daughter. Yes huh! When my mom was a gorgeous teenager in the ’50s, she went to visit Graceland with her friend Francis and Francis’s parents, who dropped them off at the gates so they could walk around the outside of them, looking cute in their best poodle skirts and penny loafers. (At that time, obviously, Elvis hadn’t gone into hiding yet. Please don’t interrupt me again.) My mom and Francis were peering through the wrought-iron bars when they noticed two older men walking towards them, from across Graceland’s expansive grounds. The older men introduced themselves as - ta da - get ready: Elvis’s dad, and Elvis’s uncle, whose names escape me and which I could find out by Googling if I was a responsible journalist but I’m not so I won’t. Let’s just call them Bub, and Billy Bo-Bub Buford, when we have to call them anything at all.
Anyway, this story’s already too long. In short, my mom and her friend were chatted up by the Bubs, and consequently invited to a party that night, featuring Elvis, in the mansion itself - but Francis’s father, a Baptist preacher in a tiny little California town, forbade them to go in no uncertain terms, and since he had the keys to the Buick they were stuck. The Saints Can Be Praised for that, however, considering what-all we know now about Elvis and his “parties”, but at the time it was a sore disappointment. Especially to me, as you can well imagine, whose primary destiny was to have been as Princess of something, before said destiny took a sharp turn into oblivion. Then, there was the danger of having to’ve been the one to find “Daddy” strung-out, dead, and lying with his pants down next to the pooper. That would have sucked, so I guess it all turned out for the best.*
Hey, don’t laugh. My mom was even prettier than that Priscilla Ann Wagner person, and roughly the same age. Fourteen, was it? Ahem. Moving right along. Which is what I need to do. You guys, have a great four months. I love you oodles.
* Also, I could have ended up married to Michael Jackson.
August 15th, 2007 09:57
First on the last. Hey all you Kelly fans head over to readerman.net for a interesting photo of Ms. Kelly in her younger days. Have a great four months, Kelly. Never stop learning, remember some of the profs are younger than you and have never lived in the real world, so keep the eye rolling to a minimum.
August 15th, 2007 10:10
Have a good semester Kels. We just dropped Carissa off at Gordon in MA - this college thing kinda sucks. Unless I was going, which would be awesome, except I’d be a bazillion years older than everyone else ….and my daughter would disown me……
xo
August 15th, 2007 10:20
Not many people know this, but, at Elvis’s funeral a choir sang, “In the Baño” to the tune of “In the Ghetto.” It’s true.
NOT!
Enjoy school and so forth and the such like.
Hello, Kelly.
August 15th, 2007 11:34
I can’t believe you were almost my sister! Good luck in school. Keep up the straight As!
August 15th, 2007 12:24
Bummer. It would have been so very cool to know you, K.P.
August 15th, 2007 13:32
Dang, I never knew all that about your Mom. She IS beautiful and it’s those eyes that glow . . . just like yours. No one can resist their power and we all know Elvis wouldn’t have been able too. Never fear, you can still shake your hips like the rest of the Elvis clan.
August 15th, 2007 15:08
Well, let’s all be real big-time thankful that that last one wasn’t true…Yikes!!
Good luck with classes!!
August 15th, 2007 16:28
Are you sure you are not related to Elvis?
I heard you were spotted at Burger King.
No. Maybe that was someone else.
Good luck and study hard.
August 15th, 2007 17:35
riveting story! You could be the next Jane Austen, but with a cooler name than Jane. Maybe we’ll call you Juana Austen. OR, Juana Presley. Either way.
Have fun in school! As of tomorrow I’m officially done with college FOREVER (unless I get stupid and go back for my MA someday)!! Yippee!! I do feel entitled to gloat a little since I’ve been working on this since 2001.
August 15th, 2007 17:37
Ahh, school. Good luck!
Also, how’d you know I shat myself? That’s just not cool.
August 15th, 2007 22:41
See what happens when I de-lurk? I get called names by your friends and then you run away scared! (J/K) All the best with school!
August 16th, 2007 08:32
Back to school already??
Remember to take along an apple for the teacher.
And as everyone knows, Elvis lives!
August 18th, 2007 16:43
I will miss you (again) pretty lady. But I have many an archive to peruse while you are feeling intermittent. (I love! archives.) Be sure to check back at my place around the 21st-ish of next month for Oregon Coast-laden wedding pictures! Weeee!
Loves to you and yours.
August 20th, 2007 13:06
Kelly, I will have horrific visions of you as Mrs. Michael Jackson running through my head for the rest of the day. And every time I come over here to check on you until you have time to update. To take that much pleasure from implanting horrific visions implies to me that you have been perhaps over-enjoying Uncle Stevie’s philosophies.
Also, welcome Delton. And Matt. (I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.) We’re a friendly crowd, so you could make the round of our blogs whilst waiting for Miss Kelly’s hiatus to be over. I suggest starting with Peefer–although wherever you go, you’re likely to see some good writin’.
Cheers!
August 23rd, 2007 16:02
Hey! Also! Did you know that my mouse makes a radical star when it visits your site? That is your site doing it, right? How! did you do it? (I love it.)
(Hi! again, friend.)
August 27th, 2007 05:21
Boo!
September 11th, 2007 15:33
Is Elvis coming back?
October 12th, 2007 22:21
Kelly, I know you won’t have time to pass it on, but I just wanted you to know that I tagged you.
I hope the school term is going well. Love you!