Come one, come all. Ogle the flaming tightrope tramp.
I have decided, since I’m so unutterably bad at relationships, that I’m going to walk into the woods, never to return. I’m going to eat grass and berries, and poop Christmas colors for Christmas, and that shall be my Christmas. I shall weave clothing from natural fibers such as snail slime, spider silk, and dried earthworms, and I shall live close to the earth in a hovel I shall dig out of the earth with mine own hands. Or a tree hollow. I have always wanted to live in a tree.
I shall give woodland parties to which none of the little woodland faeries shall be invited. They will undoubtedly be pissed, and pull my nosehairs when I sleep, but I won’t care, for I shall be past caring, having walked into the woods never to return. I shall gaze into the face of the man on the moon and howl at fifteen minute intervals to scare the neighboring village kiddies. I shall weave mud and twigs into my dreadlocks and fashion sandals out of banana leaves and road tar. If there are no banana trees, I shall fashion some. If there are no roads, I shall find at least one. That has tar on it. Maybe I should walk towards California.
You guys, I suck at friendships. And love. And loving friendships. And acquaintanceships. I’m okay with strangers, if the conversation doesn’t go past the twenty-second mark. On good hair days, I can stretch that to a minute. I’m not quite sure what to do about how bad I am with people, which is why, of course, I’m planning to become a psychologist. I’m either too reserved, or too passionate. I either say way too much, or don’t answer the phone. I’m either this, or either that; I’m never happily situated in the middle of anything. I was thinking today, “Balance and I have never been friends,” and that do beg the beeyotch, don’t it? It’s not fair.
I was also thinking that just because you know the origins of your feelings, doesn’t mean you can deal with said feelings. Freudians and Jungians, take note. I can be fully aware that the reason I shrivel up into a ball of despair now when someone says “whoop-di-doo” to me is that in 1972, somebody else said a similar “whoop-di-doo” to me and then punched me in the gut, but that doesn’t stop the shriveling. I have to use my MINDPOWERS for that, and unfortunately, my mindpowers have been on the fritz lately. I need some new mindpowers.
See what I’m already thinking about? And I haven’t even been out of school three whole days yet. I bought an Abnormal Psychology textbook at Ebenezers thrift shop years ago, so maybe I’ll crack that sucker open for a little leisure reading. I’ll be taking the class (with, hopefully, a new textbook) (and also, please God, a teacher) next term, which I’m really excited about. Psychology, I have real passion for. Also, using prepositions to end sentences with. I can do that, a-cause I’m on vacation! Whee!
Hey, you guys. Happy few days before Christmas. You know the funniest line in Bruce Almighty? It’s “I swear, that kid’s gonna poop an ornament.” I think poop is funny. That makes me anal-retentive, I know, but then that’s no surprise to anyone, is it? kiss!
December 20th, 2007 23:50
Man, first two posts in a row!? Unbelievable.
Have you seen “Without a Paddle”? Your whole beginning rant about the woods and banana leaves made me think of the two girls who lived in the middle of the forest in a tree house. Looked pretty fantastic to me, actually. If you have not seen this movie, you really should. It’s rather ridiculous but oh, so funny.
Don’t most of psychologists have tons of emotional/social problems anyway? I mean, that’s the best reason to go into it is to analyze yourself to death…and I guess it has to be good that one is at least aware of one’s issues, right? Course, I’ve got no issues. Nope, none at all. Purrrfect.
December 21st, 2007 04:56
Annekin Sky, do you think it’s possible to be an anal retentive tree-dweller dressed only in leaves and strategically-placed mud daubs? I hope it is. I’m waiting for your opinion.
No, I haven’t seen Without A Paddle, BUT, we have it right there on our shelves! One of the kids must have bought it, so guess what I’m going to watch today! I’ve been in SUCH a comedy mood lately; all I want to do is laugh. Just get out of my head and LAUGH. I’m happy you gave me the suggestion.
I read that psychologists et al have one of the highest suicide rates of them all, but that makes perfect sense to me. As you were saying, people who go into that profession are the ones who are the most interested in human behavior, and probably because it’s bit them in the buttocks too many times.
You win, firsty! xo
December 21st, 2007 12:34
Mornin’ Kel!
Your description of your life in the woods was just perfect. You could write a whole book about it and I’d read it - page by page while in the bath. And secretly, I’d long to join you, but I wouldn’t because I’m a coward.
Analyze that!
I feel terrible at relationships too. Really really terrible. And the most terrible thing about it is that I’m sort of okay with it.
Merry almost Christmas to you too… it’s a weird one for me this year. But I think I’m getting there… s.l.o.w.l.y. beginning to feel something…
Smooches, poopy friend.
December 21st, 2007 13:26
Hey ho, Cath. I’m only just now waking from a power nap, though it did nothing to increase my mindpowers, or any powers at all, honestly. sigh. I feel logy. Maybe it’s time for “Without A Paddle.” Hey, would you REALLY read a book like that? ‘Cause I could write one. OH yeah. That’s the kind of book I could write if I only had a big toe and no other movable parts. We’ll cowrite it, shall we?
Most of the time I’m okay with my badness at relationships, until I get too close and touch the fire. If I stand far enough away, I’m usually warm enough. So I think I know what you mean about being okay with it. Right now I’m kind of not. sigh. OH well. Life, huh?
I was thinking, last night, while watching Elf, that ole Santy must be in huge trouble this year, what with the distinct lack of Christmas Spirit. He’s going to have to walk all those gifts around to everyone, because no way will his sleigh work. That’s sad, but I can’t go around mustering up spirit for HIM, if I can’t for MYSELF. Bah on a humbug.
Smooch you, too, poopecita. xo
December 21st, 2007 13:42
You have to tell me if you like the movie!! It’s such a great laugher. I think we saw it in the theatres first and then bought it…I might need to watch it again tonight myself…need to write baby gift thank yous.
I totally think it’s possible to be an anal retentive tree-dweller dressed only in leaves and strategically-placed mud daubs. Why not? Any thing’s possible nowadays, right?
I can’t figure out why dentists have the other highest suicide rate. Is it because they are always making people cry? I always cry when I go to the dentist. I know, I’m a lame-o. But I have a weak jaw and just can’t hold it open very long without it hurting. Wuss.
December 21st, 2007 15:04
You know what’s weird? I can’t find the movie! What’s weird about THAT is that every time - no kidding - I want to watch a particular movie, it won’t be in the shelves. No kidding. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s a grand cosmic conspiracy against me and my movie-watching enjoyment. Hmph. I’ll have to ask the kids where it got to, when they get home. And THEN I’ll tell you if I liked it!
Really? DENTISTS? Of course, I wouldn’t want to poke around in someone’s mouth every single day of my life, either. Oh honey… when did your bad associations with the dentist begin? Tell Dr. Freud. Okay, or maybe it really IS your weak jaw, though I prefer to think it’s sexual repression. That’s lots more fun to ponder.
December 21st, 2007 17:14
Yeah…haven’t you seen The Whole Nine Yards?
Well…it all began…ok, I have no idea. Here’s one for you though: I didn’t mind my dentist growing up. In fact, he was one of my youth leaders and a fabulous guy. Friends with his kids, parties at his house, great singer at our church etc. And then he surprisingly passed away one day on his lunch break. Aneurysm-type thing. Horrible.
Huh. I don’t remember if I used to cry when I went to see him or if it started after that. Maybe I’m relating his death to whenever I go to the dentist? Kind of makes me sad even now to think about it.
How do you like that? You’ve already helped me!
You’d better find that movie. We can watch it “together” tonight.
December 21st, 2007 17:53
Me, too! I can be really terrible with frienships. I don’t know why, really. I adore people, find them soooo interesting. I really care about what happens to them. I think I’m a good listener and folks are always coming to me for advice.
On the other hand, I’m a hermit. I don’t often answer my phone. I’ve been known to hide when someone knocks unexpectedly on my door, peeking out from behind the blinds.
Also, I lost every one of my church friends. We don’t have much in common anymore, but is that all it is? Or am I too lazy to make the effort?
Ah well. I’m so happy for you and excited that you are taking psychology. You are going to be amazing! I’ll bet you’ll be one of those “different” shrinks — the ones with a messy, comfy office, with soft music and candles and low lights. The ones who exude love instead of cold and clinical vibes. I never found one like that, but I always imagined if I was a shrink, I would be one like that!
December 21st, 2007 18:23
Annoo, the Whole Nine Yards was freaking hilarious. Okay, and I wonder if you DO equate the dentist with your friend’s death. Do you? Only you know… Or maybe it IS pain. Either way, I suggest Valium. (KIDDING. Alcohol works just as well, and that way, your dentist can enjoy the aroma too! EVERYBODY wins!)
We’re hoping our fave video store has Without A Paddle…. xo
@@@
Twytie, I’ve always thought - ALWAYS - that you would have been an amazing therapist. But it doesn’t take an education to be that to people, if you’ve got it naturally. It’s funny, because the way you describe yourself is how I’d describe myself, too - from the finding people interesting part, to the hiding behind blinds part. AND, I also lost almost all of my church friends, except for a few stalwart people who love me despite my differing beliefs. But only one of them is here where I live, and SHE’s also out of church.
We learned about different therapies in our last chapter before the end of term, and I’m telling you WHUT, the therapist you described there is JUST what I want to be. See how well you know people? I would take a cognitive, humanistic approach to therapy, with a small sliver of psychodynamism along the Jungian lines, and be open to medications if they were necessary. I like the holistic approach. ANYWAY. I love psychology, and could talk about it for days…. Human beans ARE fascinating, as long as they don’t knock on my door unbidden. ha! HOPELESS. xo
December 23rd, 2007 12:08
Kells Bells,
Your school is still not letting you end sentences with prepositions? Are they stuck in the 50s?
Also, if you suck so much at relationships, how is it that you have managed to stay married for over 20 years? I think that’s a huge accomplishment and says something for your ability to relate to others, at least to Scoot.
I really like passionate people (maybe because I am one too and I get annoyed when people don’t care enough about things - things like pasta or grammar or…).
December 27th, 2007 15:15
Hello! Hope you had a good Christmas…I did but now it’s that strange time between Christmas and New Year…..you know, the time when you really ARE ready to head out into the woods.
“See”you next year xx