Birthday Boy Toy

Once upon a time, there was a snail. It had a pretty, curly, iridescent shell made up of lustrous pearl and alabaster sworls. The shell rested lightly upon the snail, whom we shall call Princess. The snail was not young anymore, nor was she old. She was an in-between snail, and much to her chagrin, this was a very hard thing to be.

“If I was very young, my skin would not be wrinkly and have these pocks on it,” she complained to Slug. She held out a dimpled thigh, which you will have to pretend Princess had. I know she was a snail. Please, just humor me.

Slug said, “Princess, you are the prettiest snail I have ever seen. Let me rub up against you.”

“No, Slug, no. You can’t possibly want to rub up against me. Look at these pocks. Just look!”

Slug looked. I am quite sure Slug saw the pocks, but nevertheless he said, “I don’t see any pocks.” He squinted for effect. “Nope, no pocks.” He peered at her hopefully. “Now for the rubbing?”

Princess pulled her shell tightly against herself and sniffed.

“Slug?”

“Yes, my love?”

“If I was very old, I wouldn’t be bothered so much by not being young,” she said.

“True,” Slug said.

“I suppose when I am very old I shall have long white hair that will wind all along the length of my shell.”

“How beautiful that will be,” Slug said.

“Maybe,” Princess said wistfully, turning this way and that, while she gazed in the mirror. She glanced up to find Slug watching her, and blushed. “Please don’t look,” she said.

Slug sighed. “Then I will watch you in my mind,” he said, and closed his eyes.

A few seconds passed, then Princess tiptoed quietly, quietly over and nestled against him. She was very still. “Do you love me?” she whispered into his chest. Trembling, she rested her ear against it to listen for his answer.

Yes Yes Yes Yes, his heart beat – steady and strong. Princess smiled and stepped back. “Well, then,” she said, opening her shell. “Come on in.”

“No, Princess.” It was Slug’s turn to smile, and his eye twinkled, once. “You come out.”

You may want to hear more from Slug and Princess, but they’re busy right now. I will tell you that Princess knows she is blessed beyond measure that a mollusk like Slug would love her the way he does, and for how long he has, and for how long he will. She would also like to tell you that Slug sports a black leather jacket, earrings, and a tattoo; that he sings in the shower, and laughs out loud at movies; that he listens as much as he talks, and does both of those often; that he rides a motorcycle, and plays rock n roll drums – all while holding down a full-time job out of love for Princess and their peas – but she’s not sure you would believe it, seeing as you had such a hard time with her having a thigh. But there now. If you look over by the door, you’ll find your disbelief in a basket where you suspended it - the story’s over - you’re free to go. Thank you for listening, though. You’re all peaches.

The Happily Ever After End. Happy birthday, Scotty. You truly are my knight in shining armor. I love you. kiss, friends. xo