I Sleep Now

I haven’t had a cold in FOREVER, but today - of all days - this being the most important day of my entire life - I’ve got one. I’m totally lying about this being the most important day of my life, because it decidedly is not, but it sucks to have a cold anyway. I feel shivery and achey, and quivery and quaky, and you know I’m also flaky, as I’ll turn to Shake & Bakey when the dinner I must makey.

I’ve never used Shake & Bake, have you? Though the commercials always intrigued me, when I was little. That, and Lee’s Press-On Nails. Oh, and Tarn-X. I also made a golf club out of a stick and a piece of cardboard and an entire roll of aluminum foil once, when Hobo Kelly taught me how on her show. It lasted long enough for me to hit my brother upside the head with it. Thank you, HK. That was awesome.

Here’s a hint, if you haven’t already decorated your Christmas tree. To get the best Las Vegas and/or House Beautiful effect, and to make your Christmas tree decorating experience much, much easier, use around eight boxes of gold lights but do not - I repeat - do NOT - wind them around the tree like your mommy taught you to. Instead, glob them on in chunks, and push them into the branches. I’m serious here. I just discovered this last night. That way, you get a more random look and an asterisk-free evening will be had by all.

Scott and Jesse just left in Jess’s pickup: Scott to head back to Nantucket until Christmas, and Jess to spend the weekend with his friend Jacob in Charlotte. Van’s already out of the house, living on his own now, so that leaves Torie and me. Two girls rattling around in a boy-free zone, except for Ambrose, our ferocious, stalker-eating, so-don’t-get-any-ideas dog. I feel sad. I’ll get over it, but right.this.very.second? I feel a little empty and scared.

Okay, but mostly thoroughly pissed off because I have to do all the Christmas shopping by myself this year. I mean, c’MON. Though I had the bright idea, just when I sat down to write, that I would get my kids online gift certificates at, say, Best Buy, and they could spend Christmas day shopping for presents they really want, instead of opening my ideas of what they want, that morning. The days of magical, Santical wonderment are over at MY house, and that’s okay. I don’t mind bowing a little to the 21st century. What say ye, my peepadoodles? And how are you all? I hope fantastic. kiss xo