Run away! But stay within shouting distance.

Good morning, peepholes. I feel that today is the last day I can truly breathe for another four months. Tomorrow I have to go to the campus bookstore and buy my textbooks because school starts on Monday. sigh. Whenever I feel stress creeping in on me I try to remember that the point is not the grades I get, but the fact that I’m in school at all; the point is to keep moving until I finish, like a shark. But the higher part of my psyche keeps chiming in with, “No, that’s not the point, sweetie peas. The point is to LEARN. Your grades only reflect how well you’ve learned, and if you get less than an A, that indicates that you haven’t learned perfectly, and by GEORGE, if you haven’t learned perfectly, then you are going to fall flat on your face when it comes to actually applying all those years’ worth of information.”

The higher part of my psyche can be a real jerk sometimes, and I don’t even agree with it in this case, or at least, only to a point. I think it’s inevitable that I fall down whenever I try something new, no matter how much information I’ve gleaned about it beforehand. I think a person learns more through participation than by observation, though I try my best to avoid it. I always have preferred to sit on the sidelines instead of play in the game, until recently. Now I’m ready to suit up. Kind of. Could I have another week, though? Please? During the break I didn’t get to papier-mache anything, or hang the pictures in the family room, or paint the bathroom orange. I barely got all the clothes in my room folded, and since that was last week there’s a whole new bunch to rassle with. One thing I am determined to do today, however, is go through my closet and put outfits together for the winter.

I adore outfits, but you’d never EVER know that by looking at me. By looking at me you’d think I adore rolling out of bed and pulling on the first thing I find on the floor. But I’ve started watching Smallville, and you know Chloe? Any of you who’ve seen Smallville? I LOVE how she dresses: it’s all layers and boots and tights and skirts and scarves. Delish. That’s my look, if only I can muster up the energy to implement it instead of sleepwalk over to the same old boring wrinkled jeans and tops. I’d like to have some style this year at school.

Okay, which reminds me of something I was going to say earlier. I was thinking last night, as I lay in bed, that four months to learn each particular subject, even if you’re in school for years, doesn’t truly prepare you for the application of it. Of course, that fits into the category of observation rather than participation, doesn’t it? I mean, we participate in our classes, surely, but it isn’t until we actually take up our occupation that we learn. sigh. And even then, I wonder how much you really know. C.G. Jung told his students to learn everything they could about psychology and then immediately forget it the minute they met their next patient, because every single individual is different and needs to be approached from a fresh perspective. I think that’s so wise, and also, freaking terrifying. Psychologists bear so much responsibility; even one misspoken word can throw a fragile and vulnerable soul into turmoil; the thought of that scares me and propels me back into the arms of chicken wire and cardboard, flour and water, and orange paint. Or into the closet, choosing outfits. Or even the reassuring and safe seat behind a computer screen, sharing my thoughts from a distance. Well, life. Isn’t it interesting? Hey you guys! Happy day to you all.